One of the hardest things was not having any explanation, not being able to rationalize what went so wrong so quickly. There was just a permanent hole in our hearts. Even though we had one another, this was a personal, internal battle that each of us needed to go through alone. The struggle of taking the first steps forward in this completely different life proved to be some of the most difficult, and at times most traumatic, experiences for each of us.
For me, believing that there are no coincidences in life means that there is just a path upon which we travel that takes us to a higher place of being. One minute we can seemingly feel like the world is “as it should be” then in the next moment life as we know it can be obliterated without cause, reason, or explanation. We can spend the rest of our lives questioning, blaming others and ourselves, hating, doubting everything (and that is very easy to do) or we can be open to when we see and feel some flicker of a light that I call HOPE, and try to understand that this is our own personal journey. This is an experience that is wonderful but at times difficult and painful.
When one is stuck in the darkness of pain and heartache and it seems as if there is no way out, sometimes a glimmer of light will appear and we need to not question why. Instead, we must follow this light as our beacon out of the darkness. I would call this faith, and no one can walk this path of life for us. We must walk in our own shoes and follow the signs that will deliver us.
This was the most difficult part for me to accept because of my children. I wanted to be able to walk the path of pain for them and shield them from the hurt in every way, but I couldn’t. I could support and guide my daughters, but ultimately, they had to complete their own journey in their own way, just as I had to do. It wasn’t always easy, but we had faith that we would ultimately find the peace in our hearts that we desperately needed………..
Read more in: When the Last Bell Rang
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